I have only myself to blame...

I don't want to say "poor Carly" but it's just what seems to come to mind. She is shy! Painfully shy! It takes her a long time to warm up to people, not only in places like school but even with family that she sees often. She does well with grandparents but even aunts and uncles get the silent treatment when they first arrive. I have to remember not to get frustrated with her. You should not compare your kids to other children, but it is hard to not notice how easily some children join in with groups, make friends, just have fun immediately. But it's true, I do have only myself to blame. Andrew is outgoing, confident, and easily talks to everyone. I, on the other hand, am quiet, self-concious, and have a hard time making conversation. It is hard being shy. Some people don't understand it or even mistake it for being rude or snobby. She may look like Andrew's twin, but she acts like mine.

We signed Carly up for cheerleading at church. Why? Because I asked and she said she wanted to. At home, she cheers, she gets excited about her uniform and pom-poms and megaphone. At church, it's a different story. She gets upset on the way there, she won't stand up to practice with the other girls, and I ended up doing more cheering at her first basketball game last week (hard for a shy mom too!!) than she did. So, I'm left feeling conflicted every week. I do not want people to see how she acts and assume that we are forcing her to do something she doesn't like. We get in the car and she knows all of the new cheers- she's paying attention even if she isn't participating! And the answer to my prayers?? Her coach and the coach's mom. She is a 16 year old cheerleader. She hugs Carly. She occasionally asks if she'd like to join in, but she never pushes. Her mom encourages me every week. Last night were individual and team pictures. (Carly has a very hard time with any professional pictures!!) I could not convince her to be in either picture. It makes me sad that she won't be in the group photo, because I have a feeling she'll be right up there with all of them cheering by the end of the season. No one gave us a hard time about it. They just continued what they were doing.

I am rambling...horribly! It's been weighing on me. She always warms up. Her "day in the life" DVD from her class last year showed her doing all of the talking and playing so well with others. Her year started with crying and silence. I know it will get better but I feel so bad that every new opportunity will start this way for her.

(By the way, we started going to Gymboree over the summer. Carly loved her teacher and climbing on the equipment, but even after 6 months she still did not want to do any of the individual activities on the center mat. We stopped going because Taylor got too old to bring with us. But I also stopped because some of the other moms were not so understanding. One particular mom said "That's pitiful" when Carly was too shy to do something. I wanted to slap her!)